Fortune Cookies...

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." - Peter Da Silva


"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." - Robert Orbean

"If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking." - Lindon Baines Johnson


"Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith." -Leslie Nielsen as Lieutenant Frank Drebin,"Police Squad"

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook


"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer." - A. Whitney Brown

"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't." - Unknown


"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner

"I'm so hyper..." (said with a very dull voice) - Steven Wright


"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." - Charles Schulz

"When in doubt, use brute force" - Ken Thompson


"The three dots '...' here suppress a lot of detail -- maybe I should have used four dots"- Donald Knuth

"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people." - Oscar Wilde


"No, I'm not going to explain it. If you can't figure it out, you didn't want to know anyway... :-)" -Larry Wall

"If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick." - Mark Twain, "Advice to youth" Speech, 1882


"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. - P.J. O'Rourke


"Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache."-Mae West

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw


He who hesitates is lost. Or as they say in Alaska, "He who hesitates is frost."

"I am not going to worry about dying because it won't happen in my lifetime."


"We are not arguing. We are involuntary partners in a mutual search for truth." JMA 1992

"Every time you open your mouth there are 2*n + 3 messages: What you said. What you meant to say. What you thought you said. What the other n person(s) heard. What the other n person(s) thought you meant. Where n is the number of listeners.


"You have heard it said that the early bird gets the worm. You have also heard it said that the squeakly wheel gets the grease. So the next time you want a bucket of greasy worms, get up early and squeak a lot!" JMA 1993

"Only the paranoid survive." - A. S. Grove


"How's the world treating you?" I ask. JMT responds, " Actually it's not- I am paying my own way, and I'm getting tired of it."

When a reporter asks a tough question, the correct response is "I'm not an expert in that area, but what I can tell you is..."- PR class Feb 1999


"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.


Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.


Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.


The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.


The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.



** Influences
- Your daily activities
- Alpesh's mailbox